Silence Is All You Know
by Emmel1118
Summary: Sasha tries to get his head around the complex being that is Jac Naylor. He tries to understand why she is, how she is, and maybe he will find something out about her...


Sasha turns his attention away from his new wife, and towards the hunched up figure who is occupying the back corner. He wonders what is going through the red-head's mind at this current moment. She is running her finger, absentmindedly, round the rim of her champagne flute. She seems to be concentrating on something that is invisible to Sasha at the current moment. Her phone is sitting on the table, only Sasha is guessing it is her's as he doesn't even know if she owns a phone. She isn't staring at the phone, actually – to Sasha – it looks as if she is doing the opposite, trying to ignore it completely. It is the intense look of frustration mixed with an emotion that Sasha cannot quite label, that makes him wonder.

He pushes through the crowd to her table. She is sitting alone, which unsurprising really. He slumps into the seat next to her. It is then that she reaches out her hand and snatches her phone up from the table, before Sasha can see what the screen is showing. He is confused by her action as – just a few seconds before – Mo had sat next to her and tried to talk to her and she had left the phone on the table. "Why don't you want me to see it?" Sasha asks, his voice quiet but not a whisper, so Jac can hear him.

She looks up and at that moment Sasha nearly falls off his chair and this is not due to the alcohol he has consumed, it is due to the fact that Jac is fighting tears. She gives him a small smile. "See what?" She questions him, and for a second he forgets all else except that Jac Naylor is crying.

He shakes his head. "The phone." He replies, remembering that she asked him a question. "You left it on the table when Mo came over but the second I do, it's au revoir to the phone." He is talking but he doesn't really expect an answer.

"You would have recognised him. Mo doesn't know him, so therefore she can't." She tells him, smirking at Sasha's confused expression.

"Recognised who?" He asks, and he suddenly feels rather stupid. If she had wanted him to know, she wouldn't have moved the phone. She takes the phone out of her bag and clutches to it like her life depends on it, but she still doesn't show Sasha the screen. She looks up and her eyes flick from side to side, she is searching for somebody. Then she finds him. She stares, and doesn't care that Sasha sees her staring. "Jonny? But Mo kno-"

Jac cuts him off with a short laugh. "Not Jonny." Sasha closes his mouth, corrected. Jac sighs.

In Sasha's drink addled mind he realises something about the woman sat next to him, what that sigh meant. "D'you remember when I told you that everyone needed someone and you told me enough?" Jac doesn't move, but Sasha continues undeterred. "I thought you found him. I thought Jonny might be it for you; you know - the one?" Jac laughs at this, but – Sasha notes – the laugh is empty, it's just there, there is no emotion to it and Sasha realises that that just a about sums up Jac Naylor – no emotion.

The red-head turns to face him. "It would be so much easier if I loved him, if he was the one. Wouldn't it?" Sasha can't tell if Jac is talking to him or herself. "Wouldn't it? Cause then if I loved him, then I wouldn't…" She trails off, realising what she is talking about. "What have you put in the drink, Levy?" She says, eyeing him suspiciously and tipping the flute towards him.

"Why would it be easier?" He asks with baited breath, waiting for his head to be bitten off. "Why?" He breathes. Jac looks down at the table, and she sucks in a deep breath and for a second Sasha believes that Jac will tell him. Jac shakes her head. Sasha sinks back into his seat, thinking that Jac has finished. "Have you ever considered marriage?" Sasha asks and for a second he regrets his enquiry, deeming it a wrong move.

"Yes." She answers truthfully, and she isn't sure if it is the alcohol making her so honest. "Yes, I once I seriously considered it, but no more. Marriage is off the agenda." She says, violently sloshing her cup. Sasha cannot tell if she is being serious or not. "No…" Her voice is quieter, more emotional and Sasha knows she is being serious. "Marriage is off. Because…because…because well, because of mistakes that I made." She tips her head back and laughs. "My mistakes…" Her voice is laden with emotion. "I let him get away…" She smiles slightly. "And the whole world thinks I don't care about a thing." She smirks. "I do. I feel. I didn't used to. But a man taught me how to feel. And then I let him go. It wasn't that simple though. But I feel. I feel guilt, I feel regret. What if I hadn't done that and done this instead? Then would I still have him?" She was almost ranting at him now, trying to make him understand that she did feel. Her voice went quieter. "The man I love…" She slightly smirks. "The man I love and lost." She smiles, and closes her eyes, revelling in a memory that Sasha didn't know.

They both look up as a figure blocks out the light. Jac puts the champagne flute down. "When did my life get this complicated?" She puts her phone down on the table, and Sasha finally sees what is on the screen.

The Scottish tones of the nurse float over the table, and ruining Sasha's moment of understanding. "So do you want to dance?" Jac shakes her head and her hand snakes across the table, but before she can take it away, Sasha reaches out his hand and snatches it from her grasp. Jonny frowns, not quite realising the situation he has waded into

Jac turns her head and looks at him again. "I didn't know you loved him. I take it he is who you were talking about earlier." Sasha suddenly gets confidence from somewhere. Jac gives him a small nod.

Jonny's brow creases. "Who?" Jac turns to look at him. Sasha releases the phone and Jac reaches out and slides the phone towards Jonny. Jonny looks down, and Jac and Sasha watch the nurse's reaction. His brow furrows. "Who is he?" Jac smiles slightly.

"The love of my life." Jac replies, softly. "Don't worry though, he's gone and never coming back. Not at least for a few more years. Not until Harry's older, and then who knows, he might have met someone else by then. If he has – or does – it'll break me even more than I already am. Because there is still a part of me that still clings on to the hope that he will come back and I will get my happy ending. But witches never get there happy ending do they?" She stands, collects her bag from beside her, pulls the phone off the table and walks off, in the direction of the door. Jonny stands there, shell shocked, as Sasha stands and walks off himself, going to find his wife – he was going to have to get used to that, wasn't he? He definitely recognised the man in the picture on Jac's phone, and he knew why Mo wouldn't have recognised him, because Joseph Byrne had left Holby - and Jac - before Mo had arrived. As he found his wife, he wondered what would happen now for the ginger doctor.


End file.
